Moving On

It has been more than a year since my last post. I am now in Yokohama, Japan - my second time here on assignment.

So much has happened, and it would be impossible to summarize everything down to a few pages. But this much is true - I am changing. I don't know for sure, whether it's for the better or the worse, but I am changing. I gave up on always wanting to do the "right" thing, on doing things to please everyone else around me. And in the process, inevitably, I have caused much pain to the people closest to me, including noodle.

I came across Paulo Coelho's blog just today, and his latest posting resonated with what I am feeling. I hope he won't mind if he finds out I am using his post here:

Too much renunciation

I met the painter Miie Tamaki during a seminar on Female Energy. I asked what her religion was.

‘I don’t have a religion any more,’ she said.

Noticing my look of surprise, she added:

‘I was brought up as a Buddhist. The monks taught me that the spiritual road was one of constant renunciation: we must overcome our feelings of envy and hatred, any doubts about our faith and any desires. I managed to free myself from all of that until one day my heart was empty; my sins had all disappeared, but so had my human nature. At first, I was very pleased, but I came to realise that I no longer shared the joys and passions of the people around me. That was when I abandoned religion. Now I have my conflicts, my moments of rage and despair, but I know that I am once more close to other people and, therefore, close to God.’

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You know, I think this is my first post where I didn't have to read, edit, re-read and re-edit the contents. I am giving and taking it raw from now on. It's time to start being really truthful. It's time to be me.