Goodbye...

20080308
Kuching
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My baby, I don't know where you are and when you're reading this exactly, I just hope that you're happy and healthy. And safe too. I am writing this, because I am constantly reminded by what you said about having a time machine to turn back time, and forth - back, so that you can tell your old self to do many things in so many different ways, reinventing yourself and your decisions; forth, so that you'll be assured that you will turn out alright in the future.

Then I remember you asking me what I'd do. I didn't answer you truthfully, because I didn't think you want to hear my answer then. Perhaps, in better words, it was because I didn't want to see you react the way I know you would had you have heard my answer then. You see, if I have had a time machine, I'd go back in time, indeed, not to change anything but to revisit the wonderful moments we have shared together. I have no desire to change anything in my past, for everything that happened, every single revelation and mistake that I made, every tear in my heart and every tear I have caused in others', transpired the subsequent events that led me to you. Didn't it? No, I wouldn't change anything at all. Whatever I had gone through, were all picture perfect with you in them.

You cried and said that you wouldn't be able to go on alone. You can, baby. You can. You're strong and brave and you can get through this. We shared many beautiful moments together, and you made my life, you have made my life wholesome. I have no regret, at all. But what I am, is just a chapter in your life, and though it may seem not quite possible to you now, there will be many more in your life. Remember our wonderful memories, but please don't be afraid to make some more.

20080417
KL
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Living without you is much more difficult than I ever thought. You are right, every dust and particle in the house, every thing from pieces of paper to the half used tube you left behind, remind me of you. I have tidied our room but have yet found the courage to sleep in it. Perhaps only now I have descended to the troughs and valleys of this break-up. But like I said, I will be fine, for this break up is but due to my being. I have to be. And seeing you around sometimes, makes me sour and relieved at the same time. Relieved that you look fine, sour because you look just so fine.

I am not saying I regret what happened to us. No, and I believe everything happens for a reason. This break up has taught me to cherish the people and the life that are truly precious to us, and not just the everyday chores and material things. Whether you have found the reason, whenever you need me, you know that I will be there for you. No matter what happens in my life or whoever I may be with, you will always be close in my heart and never a moment away from my thoughts.

Goodbye, and good luck, my baby.

Moving On

It has been more than a year since my last post. I am now in Yokohama, Japan - my second time here on assignment.

So much has happened, and it would be impossible to summarize everything down to a few pages. But this much is true - I am changing. I don't know for sure, whether it's for the better or the worse, but I am changing. I gave up on always wanting to do the "right" thing, on doing things to please everyone else around me. And in the process, inevitably, I have caused much pain to the people closest to me, including noodle.

I came across Paulo Coelho's blog just today, and his latest posting resonated with what I am feeling. I hope he won't mind if he finds out I am using his post here:

Too much renunciation

I met the painter Miie Tamaki during a seminar on Female Energy. I asked what her religion was.

‘I don’t have a religion any more,’ she said.

Noticing my look of surprise, she added:

‘I was brought up as a Buddhist. The monks taught me that the spiritual road was one of constant renunciation: we must overcome our feelings of envy and hatred, any doubts about our faith and any desires. I managed to free myself from all of that until one day my heart was empty; my sins had all disappeared, but so had my human nature. At first, I was very pleased, but I came to realise that I no longer shared the joys and passions of the people around me. That was when I abandoned religion. Now I have my conflicts, my moments of rage and despair, but I know that I am once more close to other people and, therefore, close to God.’

---

You know, I think this is my first post where I didn't have to read, edit, re-read and re-edit the contents. I am giving and taking it raw from now on. It's time to start being really truthful. It's time to be me.

World Ebook Fair 2006

July 4th to August 4, 2006 marks a month long celebration of the 35th anniversary of the first step taken towards today's eBooks, when the United States Declaration of Independence was the first file placed online for downloading in what was destined to be an electronic library of the Internet.

There would be free Access to the public from July 4th to August 4th, in celebration of Project Gutenberg's 35th Birthday.

So.. bookworms out there, what are you waiting for??

Coldplay Singapore 2006

Graphics taken from Helen

Coldplay has been dubbed to be one of the most unlikely of rock superheroes, and yet their songs find their ways into the hearts of millions of fans worldwide. And just a couple of years after their very first appearance on the island with barely seven people to listen to them, they came and conquered a stadium packed with screaming fans.

There is always something magical about their songs - be it in the down-to-earth words or the repetitive tunes in almost every song they wrote, or just the mere enjoyment of Chris Martin pounding his fingers away on the piano keys... OR better still, his ever-so-nerdy, pantomimic moves and dances on stage, with his arms and hands waving in the air as if he was in a tribal trance, touching the soft spots of the fans while his iconic voice soothes and pleases the ears. Indeed, Chris Martin is a hero for all the nerds out there, yours truly included.

We were very much pleased when the band took on the centre stage and honored a tribute to Johnny Cash with one of his songs - Ring of Fire. It was a very nice touch from Coldplay, and noodle and I were very grateful we caught the movie Walk the Line a few weeks back.

But the highlights of the concert were when they were delivering songs like Clocks, The Scientist, and especially Yellow which was greeted with large bouncing yellow balloons that sent the fans screaming their lungs out and cheering for their heroes, we just couldn't keep our butts riveted to the seats but stand up most of the time, sweaty palms in the air, and singing with Chris to the flawless music played by his band.

I think God must have heard my prayers when during the encore, they ended their Twisted Logic tour with my favourite song. And admist the unity of their fans lending their voices to Fix You, I closed my eyes and let myself be wrapped around the greatness of Coldplay, tears were streaming down my face as I clasped both hands to my face, I was moved over and over and I thank noodle for creating and sharing this unforgettable moment with me.

Thank you baby; and no, I never even once doubted that you're good for sweetooth, even if he doesn't realize it.

:*

2668

I didn't realize that time could pass so quickly, especially when you're busy. Weeks upon weeks skipped past so unknowingly and I hadn't realized I have abandoned this little hideaway of mine until someone actually asked if it has "chup lup" already - God forbid this terrible crime!

Didn't know that this space has a fan in you, PK. So sweet... :P

It has been some hectic days at work but nonetheless, filled with much excitement. First off - we have a new addition in the family! Woohoo! Came to us last Saturday and this baby has been driven like a breeze, we are still musing over how soundless (almost) and effortless (relatively) it is which makes you wanna stay on the road... And to discover that it can actually top close to 600km for MYR80! I kid you not...

I was a tad disappointed when my parents cancelled their trip but was very delighted that my dad actually got a new house in Kuching. I share my mum's joy cause she has been dreaming of a home to call her own since the jurassic period and now she could furnish, furbish and keep her home the way she wants it to be - nice and cosy! Can't wait to spend the next CNY in our new abode. Noodle, what say you...?

Just last evening , I decided to give Noodle a treat in a nice Mexican restaurant around the neighbourhood. I could sense her tolerance level diminishing after crappy tapao food and fastfood throughout the week, heh... It was our second patronage there and we were reminded how good it was the first.

I don't usually do this, but what the heck. It's Las Carretas Mexican Restaurant & Bar - same row of building as the Public Bank in Taipan, USJ. If you love the likes of tocas, enchiladas, pastas with "squid inks" and fat juicy fresh de-shelled prawns, margaritas or pina coladas, this is the place to be. Just lookie at how greedy Noodle sipping away the addictive magarita cocktail...

And this is a little note I wish to keep in this little journal - my favourite British actress, Rachel Weisz, just gave birth to a healthy baby boy yesterday. *warm fuzzy feeling* So proud of her.

What can I say? I am a sucker for hot mamas...

The Historian

I started The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova sometime in October 2005, only to finish it a couple of weeks ago. It is perhaps one of the longest endeavour in book reading for me, although the time is a far cry compared to the 10 years that the author spent in writing the book - not the least bit unenjoyable.

Although there will be readers who will beg to differ, I am sure, I find The Historian a insightful and entertaining story. Certain parts of it can be really slow paced, especially the descriptions of places and people involved as the story unfolds. For me that is one of the magic of this book - it makes me want to know more about places like Romania and Hungary and what not - but not to the torturing effects like that of Tolkien's style.

And I really did not know that Dracula was indeed a real person, though I have had some hints of such a character leaving as a recluse in Transylvania. The real legend is in fact a prince, and bore the infamous name Vlad Tepes, meaning Vlad the Impaler. If you think drinking human blood is gross, wait till you read what the real prince of darkness did during his reign in Wallachia. (Note to PK - you'll love it, you sick bas** ;P)

But what attracted me to Kostova's writing style is that the story is being told consecutively in three different periods of time - the narrator's, her father's, and her father's mentor, spanning a great gap of 4 decades, and how they all seem to converge towards the end. On the other hand, very much like The Shadow of the Wind, what really caught my attention about this book in the very first place is the slight hint of the narrator's relationship with her father, and later with her mother. Unfortunately, I learnt that later that other more engaging events had overshadowed that element, which was under-developed anyway.

In the story, Prof. Rossi said, "Human history is full of evil deeds, and maybe we ought to think of them with tears, not fascination", only to be compounded by Dracula's own words, "History has taught us that the nature of man is evil, sublimely so".

To you, my dear and perceptive reader, perhaps this is worth a ponder.

A Worthy Place to Dream of

As Noodle was having her facial treatment session today, I brought on myself to look for good cafe to spend the next 2 hours or so immersing myself in the book that I am currently reading - The Woman from Rome from the renowned Alberto Moravia. The usual Delifrance was buzzing with people and activity the idea itself was absurb to even think about. Then I found another with the tagline "Passion for Coffee" but the lighting was so bad I could hardly make out the faces among the shadows behind the tables. In the end, I found myself snuggled behind a small table in the hotel's cafe and lounge serving over-priced coffee and cheese cake.

What I would have wanted, ideally, is to walk in a store, whereby the very instant you set foot into the premise, the din from the outside world would vanish suddenly. Then you'll find yourself greeted with the sweet scent of wood, particularly of teak and old pine before being greeted with friendly staff donning dorky caps who can't seem to stop smiling at you while taking down your orders. And while you are waiting for that mug of freshly brewed coffee you just ordered, you turn around to see people comfortably slouching on sofas or on top of bar stools leaning on small round tables, all talking and laughing among themselves.

And before you know it, you catch that familiar whiff of your coffee steaming from your favourite mug being brought up from behind the counter. Beaming, you proceed walk up the stairs directly after the cashier to El Cuarto Silencioso, where you abandon the sounds and excitement of the social lounge and venture past rows and rows of books lazily housed on dark-wood shelves that seem to give off a hint of fresh lavender. And at the very end, you are greeted with book worms like yourself, whose heads are humbly bowed down or hidden behind the books held gently by their hands. With a sigh of relief and sense of familiarity, as if you have found your niche, you let yourself settled beside the huge window overlooking the city skyline still wet with drizzling rain, and help yourself with a very small sip of the coffee you have been keeping from your lips. After all, you won't want to finish it off too soon as there is still plenty of time before you actually finishes the book you brought with you, if that.

But of course, there is no such place in existence yet. Not in the part of my country that I know of. And that, if it ever come to pass at all, shall be one of my dreams to achieve and savour - a place born from my imagination and love for words printed on diffrent kinds and grades of paper, all the same bearing all the wonderful stories that have enriched my life, and that of many, many others. A place to call my own, a secret hide-away, indeed, to break away or to gather, and most importantly to romance with the prose.